Wednesday, 14th April

Some people are just not destined to back flip


I don’t think I will ever really be able to write and essay by myself.
Attempting to writing one never comes without its tear shed or a wanting to just give up on uni all together. Surely one can’t degree with out being able to write an essay?!

I try so hard, and do so every time one comes around, but I can just never ‘get it. My brain denies anything remotely academic and I can sit and read re-read things for hours and understand barely nothing.
Of what I can understand, I get confused as to where its then relevant? I don’t understand how many of my peers can write their essay in a night? A week to go on a paper still doesn’t feel like enough time to me.

Im emotionally exhausted from feeling like a 'worthless' and then being hugely embarrassed because of my ‘incompetence’. I am tired of feeling like I cant do things that I feel ‘mean’ something.
People says to me, ‘oh its just practice’ but honestly I know it is not meant to happen.

Pigs are not mean to fly and I am certainly not meant to be able to academically read or write.

Its hard to not get down and to not be embarrassed about something that is constantly in my face, and when it seems everyone else ‘gets it’.

I know I need to look at what I am best at, and find comfort in that. I am trying. I am just wooooorrrrn out.

I cannot back flip, BUT I can cart wheel and I need to feel contented with that.