So call me a try hard. You don't get anywhere unless you try, right?

At the risk of sounding like a complete looohooser...

I don't mean to just blog when im feeling negatively but right now its all ive got.

Today I feel a mix of things like hurt, anger, regret.
Some people just baffle me. Im 23 years old and at my age I didn't realise pettiness still existed? well at least one would hope it didn't. it is possibly one of the worst traits ever.

Anyone in my family could tell you that I have as much self confidence as a pea and I admittedly struggle a lot. I struggle to make friends and then keep them.
I exhaust myself in wanting to be liked. I feel as though the relationships I have or have had with people, mean a lot more to me that the actual reciprocator. Geeze I yearn for people that I have perhaps fallen out of contact with years ago. I miss people alot. Am I a freak?...

Did I grow up in a box? maybe, because growing up, my mum was my best friend. She just accepted everything that I had to say and never judged me in the slightest. She showed somuch love for me, and I really felt that...but perhaps through all this she failed to mention that I was in fact socially awkward and just generally sucked at being normal.

So yes, now the world knows that I am bit of a social retard, but on the up side I am grateful that I am sensitive. It has made me very aware of other people. This has definitely helped me to grow up to be a kind nonjudgmental person and I like that about me.

I am hurting now because I find it hard to fathom some people when I feel mistreated and judged. I frankly feel pretty foolish when I have tried really hard to be someones friend and then to have it thrown back in my face...its tough to deal with.

It is sad because I struggle to pull through hurt by myself. I need to learn how to find the surface by myself. Then perhaps I wouldn't yearn for people so much? and shoot my self in the foot by doing so...


Non of this makes any sense but tomorrow is another day and today I needed to get these thoughts out of my head.

The next post will be a happy post, honest!